Today was one of those days where I am emotionally and physically spent! I am staying up late to blog because emotions are raw and I feel the need to journal them right this very minute. Even though it's been a tough day of parenting that many would love to forget, I; however, NEED to remember it.
The day began with a little decorating and snuggling while Jonathan was in the woods. B woke up about 9:00 and headed to meet me on the couch in the den for morning snuggles and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, as is our weekend/no school routine. Pretty perfect, right??
Fast forward a few hours. We headed to my cousin's house to watch THE game with some friends. B and Emma, Evan, and Patton, started out playing nicely. The most fun "toy" of the day was the dog kennel! Go figure!
My precious child became possessed. It was as though a switch flipped in his precious little self and he was a completely different child. Now, I am not saying he doesn't ever have his moments. Oh, boy. He definitely has those but they usually don't last long. We dole out the appropriate punishment, have a little chat, hug, and all is forgiven. Usually, the offense is not repeated... at least for a little while, and all is well.
That was DEFINITELY not the case. I could make excuses and say he was tired or was snotty and didn't feel well but that just wasn't it. After numerous spankings, time outs in the bathroom, being taken out to the garage for a timeout, more spankings, meltdowns and defiance from B, I was defeated. So was Jonathan. We rarely get that way because HE rarely gets that way. Nothing we did worked. NOTHING. We were frustrated and defeated. It was nearly constant. We even got home and he was still acting the same way. More of the same consequences and more of the same meltdown. He finally went to sleep and woke up mad as a hornet and inconsolable about 30 minutes into his nap. After he calmed down, he told me he was in a bad "moon". I actually GOT that and understood. Sometimes, I just feel like I am in a bad "moon" too. He made a complete 180 and was back to our normal Bennett.
In the midst of those 6 hours, I felt TOTALLY inadequate. After those 6 hours, I felt SAD. He was impatient, angry, irrational, impulsive, upset, emotional, and selfish throughout the course of the day...I guess he learned from the best... ME. Talk about a hard pill to swallow. I had actually modeled all of those behaviors at some point in trying to "handle" him. Did I act in a patient, calm, and loving way after the 1893 time of doling out consequences? NOPE. Tonight at supper, after our tumultuous day where I was sure my kid probably wanted NOTHING to do with me, he prayed, "Thank you for my mommy..." Wow! Tears. Literally... I have been in tears this evening for many reasons. For starters, my friend Anna Kayla knew I was struggling with parenting today and sent me a much-needed article about strong-willed children. She encouraged me so much and reminded me that our children show us such grace at times... and our Heavenly Father shows us even more! My sweet B had already forgiven and forgotten our hard day and had moved on. I, however, haven't quite forgiven myself. I fail as a mommy. I will never be perfect, I know that, but those mommy-fails hurt and are hard to face. I may have two degrees in education but I will never have all the answers. My prayer is that "when I am weak, I am strong!" I also pray that I will be the example for B to follow and that B will see Jesus in me. Yes, being that means that I will correct and discipline, but that I will do so in a patient and understanding way that is SLOW to anger and become frustrated. That is SO hard to do when he has just kicked his friend or refused to share... BUT God does that same exact thing for me... time and time again.
After his 180 degree turn, we decorated the tree... and finished our day with more snuggling and me smelling the top of his precious little head and thanking GOD for my strong-willed child that HE is using to teach me so many things... especially about the depth of his love for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment